I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
And then my night got REAL pukey
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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