This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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