thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
