mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
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