I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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