I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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