He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
