So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
PANTIES FOUND
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