I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
