"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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