tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
