I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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