I looked at my own cervix.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
