Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
