This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
