New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
