Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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