I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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