i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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