Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
