He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
