so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
