is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
