I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I know her cup size but not her name....
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