I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
