You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
