scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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