She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
