Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Terrible idea I love it
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
