Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
