Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
