I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
