how can u be prego again
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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