One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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