All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
