I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
