If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
