last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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