I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
