Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
