Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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