what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
