So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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