If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
