how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
