"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Randomize
