worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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