we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
