Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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