Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
