it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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