I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
